The Soapbox Derby

Everybody has a favorite old song, but sometimes I wonder what happened after the music stopped.

Did the man really find a simpler place in time when that midnight train arrived in Georgia? Did them good old boys actually die on the day they were drinking whiskey and rye?

Well, maybe the following item from a 1973 police blotter will answer one of these burning questions:

Chicago Police Department Incident Report

COMPLAINANT: Leroy Brown
PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION: Stands about 6-foot-four
NICKNAMES/ALIASES: Bad, Bad Leroy Brown, Treetop Lover, Sir
OCCUPATION: Gambler
REGISTERED VEHICLE(S): Lincoln Continental (customized), Cadillac Eldorado
DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: Fancy clothes and diamond rings; Complainant reportedly enjoys waving the latter in front of people’s noses

LOCATION OF OFFENSE: South Side (described by local residents as the “baddest” part of town)
DATE OF OFFENSE: Friday about a week ago

NARRATIVE:
Complainant was shooting dice when, at the edge of the bar, he cast his eyes upon a female customer named Doris (described as a nice-looking girl). Her jealous husband noticed the Complainant allegedly messing with Doris and decided to teach him a lesson. The trouble soon began.

Husband and Complainant took to fighting. Husband prevailed in the altercation, despite Complainant’s possession of .32-caliber handgun concealed in his pocket (allegedly “for fun”) and razor concealed in his shoe. After the two men were pulled from the floor, one eyewitness described Complainant as looking like a jigsaw puzzle missing a number of pieces, possibly a couple.

FINAL NOTES:
Doris’ husband remains at large. South Side residents continue using superlatives to describe Complainant’s badness and meanness (i.e. King Kong and junkyard dog). Any officer venturing down there had better just beware.

… Well, that’s all the time we have for The Soapbox Derby. Tune in next week to find out if Rikki ever lost that number.

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